visible to me

I only see what I can perceive.
A limitation that hangs on me.
My sight only has far as observation
can reveal a situation
I watch as prey
the movements of the play
subtle language of the crowd
I decipher words spoken aloud
Yet in all the keenness of mind
I cannot yet find
that I really know what they know
or in which direction they will go
I can guess and even surmise
but the truth of human nature is a surprise
even to those who think themselves wise

sleep when needed

once again I feel like my day is a jumbled mess of things and right now I just feel like sleeping. So much goes on during a day that I think we tend to feel that way. You reach a point in which you are so exhausted that your muscles start to relax and lose their strength and the eye lids begin to droop I think I have already reached that point. So I am going to bed good night. Any hour is good for sleep the point is you get sleep

Awkward interactions .. .again

I think pretty much ninty percent of conversation turns awkward. Some of my conversations sound like badly written movie scripts. Some things contribute to the over all awkwardness of a situation or conversation. First time interactions can be some of the moments in which you either suffer embarrassment or get out of it somehow.
Sometimes I feel like a stiff legged stork who has forgotten it can fly. well anyway I want to say more on interactions but I will at another time since I should be getting to sleep

the war of reason and logic vs truth and faith

I must start by explaining that all have different opinons on the subject mater mention in the title. I in no way wish to insult, take away from or chance the persona views of anyone. I am simply expressing myself and my personal belief. Others might share similar perspectives and others not.The views expressed hear on are my own.
Reason, when I think of the word a more scientific term comes to mind perhaps it is that reasoning will often becoming the basis of logical thought. Once will think reason it out in their mind bearing in consideration all the facts and explanations leading up to the possible conclusion. Logic realies on something that can be meaured, explained and proven. It thus becomes limiting or puts limitations everything must be proven. When I think of truth I think of an absolute something that is definate. It is also usually very clear makes sense and actually can be logical. It is more illogical to think of God have no form than it is to think of him having a form. Yet not everyone believes that he exists than is where faith comes in. Without faith nothing is possible. It is a moving power and puts into motion so many things. So much more I would like to say ... lets say I will share more of my thoughts. I ask no one to believe or disbelieve. Each of us are entiled to our own personal beliefs it does not mean we will always agree one with another but we can ve loving and such to those around us. That is my hope to love still those around me and grow

just me

I am really nothing that amazing. Me I tell people ... just me. really I feel pretty dang weak most of the time

changing stages and going back new

Sometimes I feel like my brain is too full and that some adjustments like defragging my hard drive are in order to make it more effective. Wouldn't it be nice if we all had a button we could just push that would more effectively organize everything? I need one of those sometimes I think my mind is a hopeless mess. I just feel like I have too many programs running at once. Some people might think it is nice to have an event packed day but I think there is a limit to the amount of stimulation the body and mind can handle. Sometimes the only answer is to sleep on it and try to process all that you have learned from the packed day. Today felt like one of those, it was non stop I did so much and learned so much. I had many conversations and participated in many activities if I am going to keep going on like this I will need a faster processing chip.
I recently returned from a trip to California, the Sacramento area. It was lovely and I had a great time visiting dear friends and new friends. It almost does not seem real to think once more I was in a place where once I was a missionary. So many memories came back, I recalled streets and houses, shops and landmarks. How interesting it is that I can totally forget certain things yet upon returning I remember. I saw parts of old Sacramento which is something I have never done. Such a new adventure is memorable. Walking down old looking streets and seeing many little shops, shops of candy, of chocolate, antiques, cloths and what not got my imagination running. I tried to imagine what it might have been like a hundreds years ago, I mean it would not have had a lot of the shops but many of the buildings are the same. It reminds me of how
in one neighbrhood I lived back in Topeka Kansas, there were several old houses. One was a little yellow house, the people said it was built in 1890 and was a farm house. All the land round about belonged to the people who lived in the house. My brother and me know it is as the house with the secret garden. Like in the book The Secret Garden, it had been neglected for a long time, its garden was not a walled in one like that of the book but it was a garden. On the side of the house were the twisting branches of several apple trees which grew haphazardly after years of neglect. I wondered if it was part of a large orchard that had once extended some distance. there was no way to tell now, just the few trees remained bearing fruit. In the front yard grew two large chestnut trees with the richest fruit. I took a lot of time studying attempting to determine their origin, I thought they were American chestnut or at least a hybrid their leaves and flavor did not match that of the other varieties. As far as it is known all the America chestnut trees were wiped out by a blight. A real live American chestnut would be a find indeed. I never pursued it enough to find out and I pretty sure the trees have been cut back now. I makes me said perhaps because I like the past and think of things gone by. This house reminded me somehow, it was like a piece of the living past solid and visible in front of me. It even had a chicken coop in the backyard. I think the garden the garden is what fascinated me. along the fence ran grape vines that produced small purple grapes and red ones. They were not all that nice to eat but still quite pretty to look at.Then there were the flowers that came up in the spring time, they were a surprise. When walking in the backyard of the house we noticed the small shoots of green. there were daffodils, tulips, and snowdrops and then irises in May. Oh the Irises they were amazing every color and type imaginable and oh how sweet they smelled, like lemon, and orange, grape and peach. My other transplanted some of them into our garden, which is a good thing, the mower man did not know them from weeds. How I loved that garden a garden left to ruin. It was also said that the house was haunted that the old man had died there and still walked the halls and that was why it was empty for so long. They also said that the wife had been a kind women who gave cookies to the children in the neighborhood even after her husband died. Others say that she was a witch and the cookies where poisoned or a way to get the children into the house from where they would not return. Such were the rumors we all heard and shared in our young minds. I tend to believe that the first was right and she was just lonely and enjoyed the visits of the children. Either way the house and its garden draw me still. I have affixed in my mind an image of it one I wish to preserve because in so doing I will capture something of how I was and how it was because I know it will not remain the same but will soon fail, rot or the trees be torn down, but perhaps if with words I can help it to still leave someone else can feel the wonder and magic I felt.

Before I knew

I am tired now. I feel myself in that place between being awake and asleep. It is a strange place to be. I saw the moon path last night. It lit my way it was so bright. I could barely even see the stars, just moon light at the early morning hours still dark. In the mountains all is brighter.
Today marked something important. This day has been firm in my mind I know not why. I hope I may someday find the answer that I may understand what makes this day special. I would write more I mean I would like to but I feel so tired I think I am just going to go to bed so I can awake early and perhaps dream and make sense of all the events of today.

What makes it note worthy

I was thinking today about what makes something note worthy, why and what do we jot down. Is it experiences that shape us or meaningless nothings? Such is the question I present as I think of blogs or journals and all such things. What am I going to put down on paper? Will I even care to read it? Will anyone read it?

world backwards

If I could I would sleep outside away from all the city and its busy life. The moon is almost full tonight and I almost think I can feels its light coming into the window. Small clouds pass over it and light up the rest of the sky. How beautiful it is.

before sleep

In phases have I lived
only to see after
the before I never knew
I see them now
faces only
memorized they are to me
I learn of them
and they of me
that is when I
begin to see
begin to love
begin to care
my heart is open before them
and I fear I cannot close it
before they enter in

Face one

Sometimes I feel am wearing a face one that forms when I awake. I carry it will me the whole day long and sometimes into the night. People see it not knowing that when it finally comes for me to sleep it will finally come off and I will be left with something else. Maybe it is my imagination but do we not all put on something when we walk out the door. It is not aways bad, sometimes it might be a smile we put on even when that is the last thing we feel like doing. People see it thought and have a better day. It is when one puts on a face that makes them feel empty there is a problem. An empty face is soon seen through regardless of the decorations and eventually one has to face who they truly are.